Sometimes, things just don’t work the way we expect them to. Whether it’s a broken umbrella, a dull pencil, or a tool that just won’t do the job, we all encounter situations where something feels completely useless. But how do we describe that feeling in a fun, vivid way? This is where similes come in! Similes are comparisons using the words “like” or “as,” helping us paint clearer pictures with our words.
In this article, we will dive into different similes that describe being useless. Each simile will make it easier (and even a little funny!) to show when something just isn’t working. Plus, you’ll get to practice these similes yourself. By the end, you’ll have plenty of new ways to describe things that are, well, not very helpful!
Similes for Useless
1. Useless as a screen door on a submarine
Meaning: Completely ineffective and pointless.
In a Sentence: That tiny umbrella in the hurricane was as useless as a screen door on a submarine.
Other Ways to Say: Worthless, Totally ineffective
2. Useless as a chocolate teapot
Meaning: Unable to handle the job, especially when things heat up.
In a Sentence: His excuse was as useless as a chocolate teapot when the teacher asked for his homework.
Other Ways to Say: Ineffectual, Hopeless
3. Useless as a waterproof towel
Meaning: Defeats the purpose; can’t do what it’s meant to.
In a Sentence: That broken mop was as useless as a waterproof towel when trying to clean up the spill.
Other Ways to Say: Pointless, Not fit for purpose
4. Useless as a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest
Meaning: Completely unable to perform the task.
In a Sentence: I felt as useless as a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest during the soccer game.
Other Ways to Say: Powerless, Incapable
5. Useless as a trapdoor in a canoe
Meaning: Absurdly ineffective.
In a Sentence: Bringing a hairdryer to the camping trip was about as useless as a trapdoor in a canoe.
Other Ways to Say: Absurd, Ridiculous
6. Useless as a solar-powered flashlight
Meaning: Not helpful at the time you really need it.
In a Sentence: That outdated map was as useless as a solar-powered flashlight in the dark cave.
Other Ways to Say: Ineffective, Outdated
7. Useless as a waterproof sponge
Meaning: Can’t fulfill its basic function.
In a Sentence: My old eraser was as useless as a waterproof sponge during the art test.
Other Ways to Say: Nonfunctional, Broken
8. Useless as a steering wheel on a shopping cart
Meaning: Totally unnecessary or out of place.
In a Sentence: His advice was as useless as a steering wheel on a shopping cart when I was already late.
Other Ways to Say: Unhelpful, Unnecessary
9. Useless as a glove on a snake
Meaning: Completely unsuitable.
In a Sentence: That tiny hat on the statue was about as useless as a glove on a snake.
Other Ways to Say: Misfit, Worthless
10. Useless as a lifeguard at a kiddie pool
Meaning: Not really needed and ineffective.
In a Sentence: My alarm clock was as useless as a lifeguard at a kiddie pool when I slept through it.
Other Ways to Say: Ineffective, Redundant
11. Useless as a matchstick in a rainstorm
Meaning: Totally unable to work under real conditions.
In a Sentence: That soaked tent was as useless as a matchstick in a rainstorm during our camping trip.
Other Ways to Say: Hopeless, Ineffectual
12. Useless as a mute karaoke machine
Meaning: Defeats the entire point of its existence.
In a Sentence: A broken microphone at the talent show was as useless as a mute karaoke machine.
Other Ways to Say: Pointless, Broken
13. Useless as sunglasses at night
Meaning: Serving no real purpose.
In a Sentence: That old GPS was about as useless as sunglasses at night when we got lost.
Other Ways to Say: Ineffective, Outdated
14. Useless as a pencil with no lead
Meaning: Lacking the one thing needed to function.
In a Sentence: I grabbed a pencil, but it was as useless as a pencil with no lead.
Other Ways to Say: Empty, Nonfunctioning
15. Useless as a fireguard made of paper
Meaning: Unable to withstand even basic challenges.
In a Sentence: Their promises were as useless as a fireguard made of paper when trouble came.
Other Ways to Say: Fragile, Weak
16. Useless as a snow shovel in a desert
Meaning: Completely unnecessary and impractical.
In a Sentence: Bringing a winter coat to the beach was as useless as a snow shovel in a desert.
Other Ways to Say: Out of place, Impractical
17. Useless as a lock on a glass door
Meaning: Offering no real security or value.
In a Sentence: That tiny password was as useless as a lock on a glass door against hackers.
Other Ways to Say: Vulnerable, Weak
18. Useless as a flashlight with dead batteries
Meaning: Powerless and ineffective when needed.
In a Sentence: The broken phone was as useless as a flashlight with dead batteries during the emergency.
Other Ways to Say: Dead weight, Helpless
19. Useless as a coffee cup with holes
Meaning: Unable to perform even a basic function.
In a Sentence: That old raincoat was as useless as a coffee cup with holes in the pouring rain.
Other Ways to Say: Ineffective, Broken
20. Useless as a soap dish made of paper
Meaning: Not strong enough for the task.
In a Sentence: His plan was as useless as a soap dish made of paper when real problems started.
Other Ways to Say: Fragile, Flimsy
21. Useless as a sandcastle at high tide
Meaning: Destined to fail quickly.
In a Sentence: Trying to reason with the toddler was as useless as a sandcastle at high tide.
Other Ways to Say: Futile, Short-lived
22. Useless as a handbrake on a canoe
Meaning: Absolutely pointless.
In a Sentence: That fancy belt was as useless as a handbrake on a canoe for holding up my loose pants.
Other Ways to Say: Absurd, Ridiculous
23. Useless as an ice cube in the sun
Meaning: Melts away quickly, disappears when needed.
In a Sentence: My patience was as useless as an ice cube in the sun after waiting for hours.
Other Ways to Say: Fleeting, Vanishing
24. Useless as a screen on a chimney
Meaning: Totally ineffective at doing the job.
In a Sentence: The bug spray was as useless as a screen on a chimney against those mosquitoes.
Other Ways to Say: Useless, Ineffectual
25. Useless as a broken zipper on a suitcase
Meaning: Essential but non-functioning.
In a Sentence: That cracked phone case was as useless as a broken zipper on a suitcase.
Other Ways to Say: Broken, Defeated
26. Useless as a helmet made of paper
Meaning: Completely unable to offer protection.
In a Sentence: His promises were as useless as a helmet made of paper during the crisis.
Other Ways to Say: Weak, Unreliable
27. Useless as a key with no door
Meaning: No opportunity to serve its purpose.
In a Sentence: That forgotten password was as useless as a key with no door when I needed it most.
Other Ways to Say: Misfit, Obsolete
28. Useless as a net with holes
Meaning: Fails at what it’s supposed to catch or protect.
In a Sentence: My old fishing net was as useless as a net with holes when we tried to catch fish.
Other Ways to Say: Broken, Faulty
29. Useless as a candle in a hurricane
Meaning: Instantly rendered ineffective.
In a Sentence: That tiny flashlight was as useless as a candle in a hurricane during the blackout.
Other Ways to Say: Helpless, Overwhelmed
30. Useless as brakes on a roller coaster
Meaning: Can’t stop or slow down when needed.
In a Sentence: His warnings were as useless as brakes on a roller coaster once the decision was made.
Other Ways to Say: Ineffectual, Futile
31. Useless as a submarine with a screen door
Meaning: Totally unfit for its purpose.
In a Sentence: That advice was as useless as a submarine with a screen door when the project failed.
Other Ways to Say: Unfit, Worthless
32. Useless as a whistle on a train
Meaning: Extra but unneeded.
In a Sentence: His reminders were as useless as a whistle on a train once the deadline passed.
Other Ways to Say: Redundant, Unnecessary
33. Useless as a car without an engine
Meaning: Missing the most important part needed to function.
In a Sentence: My laptop without its charger was as useless as a car without an engine during finals week.
Other Ways to Say: Powerless, Incomplete
34. Useless as a ladder with no rungs
Meaning: Completely impossible to use.
In a Sentence: The broken stool was as useless as a ladder with no rungs when I tried to reach the shelf.
Other Ways to Say: Broken, Nonfunctional
35. Useless as an umbrella with holes
Meaning: Not providing the needed protection.
In a Sentence: My ripped raincoat was as useless as an umbrella with holes during the storm.
Other Ways to Say: Ineffective, Defective
36. Useless as an anchor on a cloud
Meaning: Utterly impractical.
In a Sentence: Trying to control that wild puppy was as useless as using an anchor on a cloud.
Other Ways to Say: Impractical, Futile
37. Useless as a GPS with no signal
Meaning: Unable to guide or help.
In a Sentence: That outdated app was as useless as a GPS with no signal in the mountains.
Other Ways to Say: Directionless, Unhelpful
38. Useless as a comb for bald heads
Meaning: Pointless for the situation.
In a Sentence: That extra hairbrush was as useless as a comb for bald heads at the party.
Other Ways to Say: Unnecessary, Silly
39. Useless as a wind-up toy with no key
Meaning: Cannot work without the essential part.
In a Sentence: His energy at practice was as useless as a wind-up toy with no key.
Other Ways to Say: Powerless, Incomplete
40. Useless as shoes on a snake
Meaning: Completely irrelevant and unnecessary.
In a Sentence: That fancy hat for my cat was about as useless as shoes on a snake.
Other Ways to Say: Pointless, Ridiculous
Practical Exercise
Fill in the blanks:
- His promises during the crisis were as useless as a _______ made of paper.
- I grabbed my raincoat, but it was as useless as an _______ with holes.
- My old map was about as useless as a _______ at night.
- Without my charger, my laptop was as useless as a _______ without an engine.
- Trying to reason with him was as useless as building a _______ at high tide.
- My broken fishing net was as useless as a _______ with holes.
- That tiny umbrella was as useless as a _______ on a submarine.
- The broken microphone was as useless as a _______ karaoke machine.
- His idea was as useless as a _______ in the desert.
- The screen on that chimney was as useless as a _______ against mosquitoes.
Answers
helmet, umbrella, sunglasses, car, sandcastle, net, screen door, mute, snow shovel, screen
Conclusion
Similes are a colorful and creative way to show how something — or even someone — can be completely useless! By comparing ineffective things to funny or extreme examples, you bring humor, clarity, and vivid imagery into your writing. Whether it’s a “chocolate teapot” or “a ladder with no rungs,” these similes can help you express frustration or silliness in an unforgettable way. Keep practicing, and soon you’ll be tossing out brilliant comparisons like a pro!
